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Nation Horrified By Carolina Panthers’ Disturbingly Graphic Logo Redesign

Posted on February 5, 2012 by The Onion
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Nation Horrified By Carolina Panthers’ Disturbingly Graphic Logo Redesign



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Completely Whipped Man Crying At Wife’s Funeral

Posted on February 5, 2012 by The Onion
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Completely Whipped Man Crying At Wife’s Funeral



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Area Dad Figures He’s Got At Least Three More Months Of Screwing Around Before Son Gains Ability To Form Long-Term Memories 

Posted on February 5, 2012 by The Onion
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LIVERMORE, CA—Judging by his 18-month-old son’s recent cognitive developments, local father Ryan Hardell figures he has about three more months to get drunk, curse, and make cruel jokes before the child begins forming long-term memories. "…



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Fan On The Street: On Mike Tyson Being Inducted Into WWE Hall Of Fame

Posted on February 5, 2012 by The Onion
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On Mike Tyson Being Inducted Into WWE Hall Of Fame



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TV Listings: Meet The Press

Posted on February 4, 2012 by The Onion

NBC
10 a.m. EST/9 a.m. CST

David Gregory finally remembers to bring in a framed photograph of his wife and kids to put on the table.



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Novak Djokovic Signs Endorsement Deal With Serbia’s Top Brand Of Luxury Goats

Posted on February 4, 2012 by The Onion

Novak Djokovic Signs Endorsement Deal With Serbia’s Top Brand Of Luxury Goats



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FINDLAY, OH—Two hours after she woke up, Madeline Tarver, 16, crawled back in bed just to keep her mom on her toes.

Posted on February 4, 2012 by The Onion

FINDLAY, OH—Two hours after she woke up, Madeline Tarver, 16, crawled back in bed just to keep her mom on her toes.



Posted in Fiction

Suitcase Spends All Year Looking Forward To Carousel Ride

Posted on February 4, 2012 by The Onion

Suitcase Spends All Year Looking Forward To Carousel Ride



Posted in Fiction

Jacksonville Jags To Go Without A Head Coach For 2012

Posted on February 4, 2012 by The Onion

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Claiming that it "doesn’t really make a difference," Jacksonville Jaguars officials announced Saturday they plan to play the 2012 season without a head coach.



Posted in Fiction

Incest Survivor Dumped

Posted on February 4, 2012 by The Onion

Incest Survivor Dumped



Posted in Fiction

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