This game allows you to build everything except a place for Lena Dunham to call home.
The new SimCity game came out today, and according to developer Maxis, it “delivers unprecedented depth of simulation.” That may be true, and during the hours BuzzFeed has spent playing the game so far, we’ve been delighted. But. It is a truly terrible Brooklyn simulator. (Disclaimer: here we take Brooklyn to mean the cultural turf of Lena Dunham, Brooklyn Fare, Amy Sohn, and Yeasayer, not the indescribably diverse borough that would be the fourth-most-populous free-standing city in the United States. Ok? Ok.)
Here's why I couldn't turn the town I created, Grozny, into the borough of Kings.
The residents want to work.
Unlike the hordes of “creative” “talent” descending on Brooklyn, the Sims who come to settle your new town want jobs. In Grozny, they downright demanded them: real, 9-5 work in shops and factories. There is no sleeping till 2 and Moleskine afternoons for these folks. Just a good, honest day's work and every two weeks some “Simoleons” to spend at the bar. What Philistines.
(I am, however, planning a nearby “Parentstown” to subsidize an entirely commercial and residential Grozny.)
There are no mixed-use spaces.
Every building site in SimCity requires categorization into one of three zones: residential, commercial, or industrial. What this means: there will be no artisanal clothing stores-come-galleries-come-lofts-come-Korean taco stands. Just houses, stores, and factories, all separated, a Jane Jacobs nightmare blinking on your monitor.